i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
