no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
