i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you would pick up someone in the library
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
