I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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