When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
