There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
