dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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