I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
