you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
