Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
