Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
