you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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