sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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