What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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