i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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