I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found your dick twin last night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
