You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
