you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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