Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my being single is dangerous.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
