woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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