i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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