I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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