why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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