Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
