ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
