Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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