My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
