New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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