well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
