so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
