sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
