yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
