I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
