In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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