If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
