You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
