hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
