im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
