someone threw a dead crab at me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
