Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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