Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
