Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
