I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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