is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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