Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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