chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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