If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
