We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
