Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
