i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
