A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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