This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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