First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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