This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
