i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
