Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
