I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
