There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
