I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
