Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
