I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You need Xanax blowdarts
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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