Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
