I bet he comes in French.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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