you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
