Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i believe in u and ur pee
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
