My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize