I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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